What Not To Say In The Workplace

• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Twenty VPs in a Mini-van

Q: How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?
A: Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.

The English Are Tactful

Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with, "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try."