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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Government Cut-backs Hit Home

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Steve," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother being gone."

Naval Student's Anchors

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" asked the captain.

"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir," the student replied.

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.

"Throw out another anchor, sir," the student replied.

"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."

Transvestite Sailor and Monica Lewinsky

Q: What's the difference between a transvestite sailor and Monica Lewinsky's wardrobe?

A: When you have a transvestite sailor, you have a dress on a seaman.

Submarine Humor and Fun

  • Submarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air!
  • Response from a junior (very junior) sonar watchstander "Sonar - Conn, Report all contacts in preparation in coming to periscope depth" "Conn - Sonar, I hold no contacts - how 'bout you..?" "Sonar - Conn, Supervisor to the Conn"
  • QMOW: "Navigator we're on a course for sea mounts." NAV: "Exec we're heading for shallow water." EXEC: " Captain, we're running out of water." CAPT: "What, no water, ...very well, secure the showers."

Did You Hear About The Polish Navy Tragic Accident?

Did you hear about the Polish Navy's tragic accident? A hundred and thirty-seven sailors drowned trying to push-start their new submarine.