Hydrogen Party

Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says, "Hey, grab that electron, it's mine!" "How do you know?" asks the second. "'Cause I'm positive!" the first replies!

Chemistry One - Liners

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?
 
Q: What's the formula for water?
A: -H-two-O
 
Q: What's the formula for an ice cube?
A: -H-two-O-CUBED
 
Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?
A: Oxymoron The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners. Their idea of a catalyst: 2 bags of cat litter 3 cans of cat food 1 can of flea powder 1 collar
 
Q: How do you get lean molecules?
A:Feed them titrations.
 
Q: And why does a white bear melt in water?
A: Because it's polar. Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.
 
Q: What's the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon. 

Chemistry Collection

• Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
• Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
• Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
• There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine and died of an overdose.

Q: How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker? A: None. That's what organic chemists are for!

• It is disconcerting to reflect on the number of students we have flunked in chemistry for not knowing what we later found to be untrue. --quoted in Robert L. Weber, Science With a Smile (1992)
• Physical Chemistry is research on everything for which the negative logaritm is linear with 1/T -- D.L. Bunker

Q: What weapon can you make from the Chemicals Potassium, Nickel and Iron? A: KNiFe.