Little Johnny / Suzie Jokes - Others

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself: television, ice cream, homework, video games... But the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without comment the game resumed. For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further interruptions.

After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!"

"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to masturbate."

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurts out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, "Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'"

December 26, 2013

Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?! That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn't get me that fucking bike. FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!

Sincerely,

Little Johnny

Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park.  Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum. Suzie asked, "You wanna play doctor?" Johnny replied, "NO, that too old fashioned.  Spit out you gum, I wanna play president."

Norman and  Barry got married in California. They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they went back to Norman's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together. In the morning, Little Johnny, Norman's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Norman and Barry are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Little Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to  school.'

Little Johnny comes home for lunch and asks  his mom, 'Are Norman and Barry up yet?' She replies, 'No.' Johnny  says, 'Do you know what I think?' 

His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school' 

After school, Little Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Norman and Barry up yet?' His mom says, 'No.' He asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.' He says: 'Last night Norman came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.'