Little Johnny / Suzie Jokes - Others

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that, since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed, he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift. Two days before Christmas, Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then, when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bitchin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face.

His dad smiled and asked, "So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?"

Johnny replied, "I think I got a fuckin' dog but I can't find the son of a bitch."

Mom took little johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis. Doctor said, how did such a thing happen? Johnny said, "It's that damn neighbor girl, Suzy. Her braces are too darned sharp."

Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Little Johnny's Father asked how much his last date had cost. Little Johnny calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think." "Well," said his Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening." "To be honest Dad," Little Johnny went on, "we'd have done more, but that was all the money she had."

Little Joey and Little Danny, both aged 5, are walking home from school. Danny says "I won't be going to school tomorrow." "Why not?" asks Joey. "I have to go to the hospital," says Danny woefully. "That's awful," says Joey. "Why do you have to go there? Are you sick?" Danny shakes his head and replies, "I have to have a circumcision." Joey stops dead in his tracks, an expression of complete horror across his face, "That's Horrible!" he cries, "Why, I had that done when I was born, and I couldn't walk for MONTHS!!"

A teacher says, “Okay, class. Today we're going to be talking about the tenses. If I say, I'm beautiful, which tense is it?”
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Obviously past tense, Miss.”