Horsie Ride

Little Johnny is passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in the Act.
Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims, "Oh boy! Horsie ride! Daddy can I ride on your back?" Daddy was relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, he agrees.
Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually gets bucked off!"

Thanks For Nothing Santa

December 26, 2013
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?! That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn't get me that fucking bike. FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
 
Little Johnny

Norman and Barry

Norman and  Barry got married in California. They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they went back to Norman's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together. In the morning, Little Johnny, Norman's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Norman and Barry are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Little Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to  school.'
Little Johnny comes home for lunch and asks  his mom, 'Are Norman and Barry up yet?' She replies, 'No.' Johnny  says, 'Do you know what I think?' 
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school' 
After school, Little Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Norman and Barry up yet?' His mom says, 'No.' He asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.' He says: 'Last night Norman came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.'