Santa's Pet Peeves

•  Kids who refuse to believe that it's fruitcake on your breath and not gin.
• When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it.
• Even with the costume, people recognizing you from "Crime Watch".
• Parents who get all uptight when you offer their kids a swig from your hip flask.
• Enduring the taunts of your old buddies from Drama School.
• Those dorks in the Power Rangers costumes get all the babes.
• Kids who don't understand that Santa's been a little jittery since he got back from 'Nam.
• Two words: lap rash

Santa's Entrance

If your child asks how Santa Claus gets into the house, just tell him he comes in through a large hole in daddy's wallet.

Office Christmas

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work, but the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!