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The best jokes and joke writers!

Vibrator Or Soybeans?

Q: What does a vibrator and soybeans have in common?

A: They are both meat substitutes!!!!

Vegan Zombies

Q: What does a vegan zombie eat? 

A: Graaaiiiiinnnssss.

Sans Tomatoes

A lady walks into a grocery store looking for tomatoes and can't seem to find any, so she goes to ask a store clerk.

Lady: Excuse me, could you help me find some tomatoes?

Clerk: Sorry, but we are fresh out.

Lady: You don't understand, I need these tomatoes, could you check in the back for me?

Clerk: I am sure we don't have any, but I will go look.

The clerk goes to the back and comes back.

Clerk: Sorry, there aren't any in the back.

Lady: But you don't understand, I NEED these.

Clerk: Lady, you're just not getting it. Let me explain it to you this way. What do you get when you take the "blue" out of blueberries?

Lady: Berries.

Clerk: Okay, what do you get when you take the 'Straw' out of strawberries?

Lady: Berries.

Clerk: Now what do you get when you take the 'fuck' out of tomatoes?

The lady pauses for a moment...

Lady: There's no fuck in tomatoes!

Clerk: That is what I have been trying to tell you!

Vegetarian Conundrum

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Pondering Collection

  • Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • The pen is mightier than the sword -- if the sword is very small and the pen is really sharp.
  • If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
  • Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye!
  • I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
  • Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can't it get us out?
  • The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.
  • Money isn't everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.