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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

A Vegetarian With Diahrrea

Q: What do you call a vegetarian with diahrrea?

A: A salad shooter.

Things Never Said By A Southerner

Things never said by a southerner

  • Duct tape won't fix that.
  • Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
  • We don't keep firearms in the house.
  • You can't feed that to the dog.
  • The kids can't ride in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
  • Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
  • We're vegetarians.
  • Do you think my gut is too big?
  • Honey, we don't need another dog.
  • Who's Richard Petty?
  • We could just share a small bag of pork rinds.
  • Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  • I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
  • Is there anything in this restaurant that's NOT fried?
  • The tires on that truck are too big.
  • I've got it all on the C drive.
  • There's too much sugar in this tea.
  • Checkmate.
  • I believe you cooked those greens too long.

Vegetarian Intro

A vegetarian woman came up to me the other day and said she recognized me from somewhere. I said I'd never met herbivore

Vibrator Or Soybeans?

Q: What does a vibrator and soybeans have in common?

A: They are both meat substitutes!!!!