"Sir, are you a stutterer?"
"No, my father stuttered, and the civil servant was an asshole"
Grillin' with Dad
One day when I was young I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left and never came back. I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.
Confused Egyptian Boy
Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
A: His daddy was really a mummy.
You Might Be A Redneck 53
You might be a redneck if...
- You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
- You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
- You don't think Jeff's jokes are funny.
- Your house has a kickstand.
- You drive around a parking lot for fun.
- Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents "Ma and Pa".
- You have to duct tape your gloves on.
- You've ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.
- Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.
- You think that Marlboro is a cologne.
Dad Will Never Say
Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say:
10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.
7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.
6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.