We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Heaven or Hell?

There are three guys who are good friends. One is an American, one is Polish, and one is Italian. They are driving together one day when they get into a car accident. They all die and float up towards the gates of Heaven. When they get there, an angel who tells them they are all on the border of Heaven and Hell. As a result, they have the choice to either ask a question of the angel or be asked a question. If they answer correctly, or if the angel answers incorrectly on their question, they will pass into Heaven. The Italian guy goes first. He tells the angel to ask him a question. The angel says, "How many grains of sand are there in the world?" The Italian guy says, "Um, four trillion?" and falls straight to Hell. The polish guy goes next and wants the angel to ask a question. The angel says, "How many drops of water are there in all of the world's oceans?" He says, "Uh, ninety-eight billion?" and also falls straight to Hell. Finally, it's the American's turn. He tells the angel he will ask the question, but he needs a pencil and paper. The angel snaps his fingers and it magically appears. The American proceeds to take the paper, makes hundreds of holes in it with the pencil and farts through it. He then asks the angel, "Which hole did my fart go through?" The angel replies, "That's easy," and points to a hole. The American says..."No, it came out of this one!" and points to his butt, and then goes to Heaven.

Menu Item Translations

The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants.

  • Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China
  • Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong
  • Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo
  • French fried ships - Cairo
  • Garlic Coffee - Europe
  • Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe
  • Boiled Frogfish - Europe
  • Sweat from the trolley - Europe
  • Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China
  • Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong
  • Roasted duck let loose - Poland
  • Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland
  • Fried friendship - Nepal
  • Strawberry crap - Japan
  • Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam
  • Toes with butter and jam - Bali
  • French Creeps - L.A.
  • Fried fishermen - Japan
  • Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan
  • Pepelea's Meat Balls - Romania
  • Product Names Clean Finger Nail - Chinese
  • Japanese mineral water Creap Creamy Powder - Japan
  • Coffee Creamer Swine - China
  • Chocolates Libido - China
  • Soda Pocari Sweat - Japan
  • Sport drink Shocking - Japan
  • Chewing gum Cat Wetty - Japan
  • Moistened hand towels Pipi - Yugoslavia
  • Orangeade Polio - Czechoslovakia
  • Laundry detergent Crundy - Japan
  • Gourmet candy Superglans - Netherlands
  • Car wax I'm Dripper - Japan
  • Instant coffee Zit - Greece
  • Soft drink Colon Plus - Spain

Sinking a Polish Submarine

Q: How do you sink a Polish submarine?

A: You knock on the door.

Polish Dogs with Flat Faces

Q: Why do Polish dogs have flat faces?

A: From chasing so many parked cars.

Lack Of Meat In Poland

A Journalist has to write a story on the lack of meat in Poland. So he goes off to Poland and asks the people: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" All the Poles reply: "Meat? What is meat?" Seeing he cannot get an answer in Poland he goes to the USSR and asks the Soviets: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" All the Soviets reply: "Think? What is think?" Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USSR he goes to the USA and asks the Americans: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" All the Americans reply: "Lack? What is lack?" Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USA he decides to go to Israel, and asks the Israelis: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" To which all the Israelis reply: "Excuse me? What is excuse me?"