Old German Joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold."
His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken before?"
The boy looked at her and replied, “Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

The Joy of Being Self-employed

The Newfoundland Department of Employment claimed a commercial boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to St. John's to investigate him.
Government agent: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand; he's been with me for three years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Lamb's rum and a dozen Labatt Lite beers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
GOVT AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"

Pregnant Polish Girl

Q: What did the Polish mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's yours?"