No Protection

A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices strange growth on his penis. He sees several doctors. They all say: "You've been screwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off." The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in Pakistan. The doctor examines him and says, "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?" The man replies, "Yes a few in the USA." The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off." The man answers, "Yes!" The doctor smiles, nods, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."

2020 Review

1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
3. 2019:  Stay away from negative people.  2020:  Stay away from positive people.
4. The world has turned upside down.  Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog.  It was obvious she thought her dog understood her.  I came into my house and told my cat.  We laughed a lot.
6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do.  Cancel sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!
9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him or her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
10. I need to practice physical-distancing from the refrigerator
11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard.  I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
12. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and asking for money.

Name At Birth

A woman gave birth at a hospital and the doctor asked, "What will you name her?" The woman thought and said, "I think I'll name her Sarah!" The doctor said, "I'm sorry to inform you miss, but Sarah is not available. But you can try Sarah_2045 or 99_Sarah!"