Angry Barmaid

Q:  How do you know when the barmaid is really pissed off?
A: When you find a string in your bloody mary.

Bar Chat

A bored guy sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation. He turns to bartender and says, "Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress ..."
"Look pal, I don't allow talk about politics in my bar!" interrupted the bartender.
A few minutes later the guy tried again, "People say about the Pope.."
"NO religion talk, either," the bartender cuts in.
One more try to break the boredom, "I thought the Yankees would..."
"NO sports talk. That's how fights start in bars!" the barman said.
"Look, how about sex. Can I talk to you about sex?"
"Sure, that we can talk about," replies the barkeep.
"Great. Go screw yourself."

Familiar Feel

Two old friends who love to push each other's buttons are in a bar, drinking. One reaches over and feels the other's bald head. "Good God! This feels just like my wife's ass!" The man whose head it is runs his hand over it, too.
"So it does! So it does!"