Bar Jokes - Animal in Bar Jokes

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "May I help you, sir?" The duck says, "Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass."

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start having a few quiet drinks. As the night goes on, they get pretty drunk. The giraffe finally passes out near the pool tables and the man decides to go home. As the man is leaving, he's approached by the barman who says, "Hey, you're not gonna leave that lyin' here, are ya?" "Hmph," says the man, "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him. The guy asks, "What's in the box?" The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad." The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?" The older guy nods. The young guy goes to the men's room and returns 20 minutes later. "That was amazing," he says, "You've got to sell it to me." The old drunk concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door. "Where the hell have you been? What's in the box?" she demands. "South American Blow Job Toad." "So?" asks the wife. "So, teach it to cook and get the f**k out."

A guy and a dog walk into a bar. The guy is bragging to everyone that his dog can talk . The bartender calls him over and says, "So your dog can talk, huh?" The guy says yes. Then the bartender says, "So, if I gave your dog a dollar he would go out and buy me a newspaper?" The guy says yes, gives the dog a dollar and sends him out. Three hours later the dog hasn't come back yet, so the owner and the bartender go looking for him. A block from the bar, they look down an alley and see the dog humping a female dog. The guy yells, "Wow, I've never seen you do that before!"
The dog says, "Well I've never had money before."

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!" The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!" Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."