The Way You Say It

On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes." The girl was very flattered. What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."

Haunted House Position

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Insult Collection #7

• I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly.
• I hear you are connected to the Police Department, by a pair of handcuffs.
• Hello, tall, dark and obnoxious!
• You remind me of the ocean, you make me sick.
• You should have been born in the Dark Ages you look terrible in the light.
• All of your ancestors must number in the millions it's hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.
• Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.
• I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.
• They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It's for people who are dead from the neck up.
• After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us.
• You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.
• I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it!