The Wizard of Oz

At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in.  The toad says, "Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis."  "I've told you animals, I can't help you with any big problems," responds the wizard. "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz." 
So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad.  "Oh wizard," the elephant begins, "please help me. I was born without a trunk."  Now the wizard is infuriated. "Don't you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!"  The elephant responds, "But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?"  "Oh that's easy," says the wizard. "Just follow the yellow-dicked toad!"

Elephant Food

Q: Why do elephants eat raw food?
A: Because they don't know how to cook!

Protection From The Rain

Q: What's big and grey and protects you from the rain?
A: An umbrellaphant!