Rottweiler vs. Poodle

Q. What's the difference between a rottweiler and a poodle?
A. If a rottweiler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

Talking Dog

A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbor said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no such animal."Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times." "Hey!" said the neighbor. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies."

Refusal to Speak

A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"