Excitement in Undertaking!

There were two guys who had gone to the same college and become great friends. During college, they had a great time. Anything that was going on, they were always right in the middle of it. When they graduated, however, they each went their own separate way. Two or three years later, they ran into one another on the street. They were very happy to see each other and, during the conversation, one of them asked the other what he was doing for work. "I'm an undertaker," responded the friend. "That doesn't sound like you. During college, you were always the one looking for excitement." "There is plenty of excitement in this racket," said his friend. "Just the other day, I got a call to pick up this stiff in a hotel room. When I entered the room, he was laying there on the bed, stark naked, with a huge erection. I didn't want to take him out like that, so I took a hanger from the closet, and gave it a good swat... You want to talk about excitement! I WAS IN THE WRONG ROOM!!!"

Businessman's Payback

An abrasive businessman in the hospital constantly berates the medical staff. Only the head nurse will stand up to him. One day she tells him, "I have to take your temperature. I'm sorry, but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This starts rounds of complaining, but eventually the man rolls over and bares his rear end. After the nurse inserts the thermometer, she announces, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back." She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walk past his door laughing. The man's doctor comes into the room, "What's going on here?" Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor says, "Well, no, not with a carnation, anyway."

Business One-Liners

• The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6.
• The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
• The road to hell is paved with good intentions and littered with sloppy analysis.
• The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
• The simplest subjects are the ones you don't know anything about.
• The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
• The solving of a problem lies in finding the solvers.
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up!
• The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease; sometimes it gets replaced.
• The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available.