Going Out

Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work. "I don't understand," Cindy complained. "When people find out I'm a lawyer, they take an instant dislike to me. Why would they do that?"
Her friend appeared to think for a moment and then suggested, "Maybe it just saves time."

Dying Request

An elderly man, 82, just returned from the doctor's only to find he didn't have long to live. So he summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them of his fate. 1. His Doctor 2. His Priest  3. His Lawyer. "Well, today I found out I don't have long to live. So I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with $50,000 dollars inside. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave." After the man passed on, the 3 people happened to run into each other. The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me on lots of medical bills. But, I threw the other $40,000 in like he requested." The priest said, "I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. It's all going to a good cause. I did, however, throw the other $25,000 in the grave." Well, the lawyer just couldn't believe what he was hearing! "I am surprised at you two taking advantage of him like that. I wrote a check for the full amount and threw it all in!"

Lawyers Like Nuclear Weapons

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched during a debate, they can rarely be recalled. And when they land, they screw up everything forever.