Profession Jokes - Judge Jokes

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

In Atlanta, U.S. District Judge Charles Moye overturned a death sentence for a murderer because the jury that convicted him 10 years ago had asked for a Bible during deliberations. 

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?" "Well, your Honor," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and the charge."The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician, charged with battery." The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!"

Mr. Schneider stood up in court. "As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money".  Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You do."

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer. The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested.
"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."