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The best jokes and joke writers!

Vampire After the Dentist

Q: What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist?

A: Fangs very much!

Love the Dentist Quote

I love to go to the dentist. A man in white hovering over me while I'm trapped helpless in a chair. He cleans me. He flosses me. His instruments alive in my mouth. And just when I don't think I can take it anymore, he says, 'Good girl, Marcie, you can spit now.' - Marcie, from the "Married With Children" sitcom.

Honda, Honda!

A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression.  On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like "HONDA." The man was besides himself. Every few minutes "HONDA", "HONDA"....  Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate these odious and rather embarrassing emissions, he sought a physicians aid.

After a full examination, the doctor told him that there was nothing inherently wrong with him and that he would just have to wait it out.  Being unwilling to accept this state of affairs he visited a second and then a third doctor all of whom told him the same thing. Finally one medic suggested that he visit a dentist. Well, although he could not see how a dentist was going to be of any help, he visited one anyway.  Lo and behold, the dentist said, "Ah, there's the problem!" "What is it?" the man asked. "Why you have an abscess," said the dentist. "An abscess? How could that be causing my problem?" asked the man. "That's easy," replied the dentist. "Why everyone knows...  Abscess makes the fart go Honda!"

Farts Go Honda

A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like, "Honda." The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?" "No," the guy says. "My farts do." So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside. After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist."
The guy says, "Why a dentist?" The doctor says, "Because you have an abscessed tooth." The guy says, "What the hell does that have to do with my condition?" The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Abscess makes the farts go Honda!"

Solution

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie!