Cough Cure

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life - not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle - just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."
Assistant replies, "Sure, he is. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market... Now he won't dare cough!"

You Might Be An E.R. Doctor If...

You Might Be an E.R. Doctor If...

1. Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
2. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
3. You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
4. You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
5. You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
6. You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.
7. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."
8. You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".
9. You have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"
10. You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
11. Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"

Retired Professors' Vacation

Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set. The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?" To which the professor of psychology replied, "Yes and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs."