Profession Jokes

Translation

A woman goes with her husband to the doctor for his exam. After the exam, the doctor pulls the wife aside and says: “Your husband is suffering from severe long-term stress, and he is a good candidate for a heart attack or stroke. If you don’t do the following three things, he will surely die. First, every morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Second, when he gets home make him a warm, nutritious dinner, and don’t burden him with household chores. Third, have sex with him several times a week.” On the way home, the husband asks the wife, “I saw the doctor talking to you and he looked serious. What did he say?” Wife: “He says you’re gonna die.”

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Profession Jokes (Other Doctor Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes) , Disease / Afflictions Jokes (Going to Die Jokes)
Anonymous

I Remember You

A guy is in the grocery store when a pretty woman smiles at him and says hello. He’s taken aback and can’t place her. “Do I know you?” he asks. “I think you’re the father of one of my kids,” she says. He racks his brain to think of how that could be. Then he remembers the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. “Wow,” he says. “Are you the stripper from my bachelor party, who tied me down on the pool table, and did it with me, with all my buddies cheering, while your friend sprayed whipped cream on my butt? Boy, that was insane.” “No,” she says. “I think I’m your son’s math teacher.”

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Profession Jokes (Teacher Jokes) , School Jokes (Middle School Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Prostitute Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Cheater Jokes)
Anonymous

Estate Sale

Joe Smith is on his death bed, knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. So, he says to them: 
"Bernie, I want you to take the Avenue Road houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Rosedale."
"Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center Mall."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the Don Valley Ravine." 
The nurse is just blown away by all this , and as Joe slips away, she says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property." 
Sarah replies, "Property? .... the asshole had a paper route!" 

Categories: Profession Jokes , Work & Office Jokes
Anonymous