Travel Jokes - Others

Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

A: The location of the dirt bag.

A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came out to be $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?" The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?"

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles. ''We're lost!'' One of the hikers complained.
''And you said you were the best guide in the United States.''
''I am,'' the guide answered, '' but I think we may have wandered into Canada.''

Q: What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Hell's Angels motorcycle gang member?

A: Someone who comes to your door and tells *you* to fuck off!

During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down. Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her. "Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked. The lady was insulted. "You bloody Americans are so rude", she said, "can't you see my dog is sitting there?" He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place. "Lady I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I can sit down," he said. The lady replied, "You Americans are not only rude you are arrogant." He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said, "Lady, I've been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog?" The lady replied, "You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also obnoxious. "With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless. An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up. "Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady's description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."