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10 More Signs You Might Be a Redneck

You might be a redneck if...

  1. Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
  2. In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
  3. Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
  4. You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
  5. You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
  6. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
  7. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
  8. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.
  9. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
  10. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

Reasons For John's Sex Change

10. Lower auto insurance premiums.
9. Easier to get job because of hiring quotas.
8. Cleaner restrooms.
7. Tired of boring men's fashions and wants something new and exciting.
6. Women live longer.
5. Can get easily picked up in bars.
4. Really likes the guy next door but knows that he is not gay.
3. Failed to make the MEN'S U.S. Olympic Ski Team.
2. Wants to be an assistant to Clarence Thomas to find out if "it's really true."
1. PMS - An Incredible Sensory Experience!!!

Top Ten Television Shows in Iraq

  1. "Husseinfeld"
  2. "Mad About Everything"
  3. "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
  4. "Suddenly Sanctions"
  5. "Allah McBeal"
  6. Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
  7. "Achmed's Creek"
  8. "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
  9. "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"
  10. "Just Shoot Me"

Well, How Do I Look?

The Top Bad Response For Guys To Give To The "How Do I Look" Question

  1. "That's a great outfit honey but Halloween was 6 weeks ago."
  2. "I ain't seen a caboose that big since Amtrak left town."
  3. "Uh-uh, the last time I answered that question, I went temporarily blind."
  4. "Ssshhh, the games on right now... go look in the mirror, that's what its there for!!"
  5. "Oh man, I'm gonna lose my lunch."
  6. "Like the girl I was with yesterday."
  7. "Like someone in dire need for some liposuction."
  8. "Well, if I close my eyes, just like my previous, prettier girlfriend."
  9. "How can I put this... MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" 

Top Ten Things A Cat Thinks About

  1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
  2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
  3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
  4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
  5. Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
  6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
  7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
  8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
  9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
  10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!