Q: How do you blow up a terrorist iPhone?
A: Put it into airplane mode.
I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I noticed an ISIS Muslim with a large knife sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden toward his house. Suddenly my neighbor came from out of nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it.
Astonished I got back into bed. My wife rolled over and said, "Honey, you're shaking. What happened?" "You'll never believe what I just saw!" I said. "Our next door neighbor still has our shovel that he borrowed last year!"
Osama Bin Laden's Wives
Q: Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
A: Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
No Televisions in Afghanistan
Q: Why are there no televisions in Afghanistan?
A: Because of the Telly-ban!
Q: What's the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al Qaeda outpost?
A: I don't know, I just fly the drones.