Internet Crime Heroes

The Top 10 Superheroes Needed To Fight Cybercrime

1. Inspector Gadget
2. Chief Wiggum from the Simpsons
3. Captain America On Line
4. The Wonder Barbi Twins
5. The Silver Surfer
6. The XXX Men (they handle strictly cyber porn)
7. Up in the sky, wearing glasses, a big letter E on his chest and a "Nets"cape, its Bill Gates as GEEKMAN!!!
8. DBase Ventura
9. Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby with the Mystery Machine (Jinkies, there goes another hacker!!)
10. Who else knows the web better than Spiderman!?

Tech Talk

• Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
• Definition of an upgrade: old bugs out, new ones in.
• C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
• Why doesn't it ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename"?
• As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
• Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
• E Pluribus Modem
• >File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• Ethernet (n): something used to catch the Etherbunny.
• A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.
• A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
• Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
• Windows: just another pane in the glass.
• Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
• All computers wait at the same speed.
• Go ahead, make my data.
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
• ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

AOL/TW Merger.

Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes: Time Magazine's next "Man Of The Year" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence. The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, "You cwazy wabbit, you've been onwine for 5 minutes and that's way-y-y too long... we're going to boot you off!" The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, "Eh, what's up Doc?" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.