Kid Divorces His Parents.
There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court. The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" The kid says, "no! he beats me!". The judge says,"you want to live with your mom?" "No! she beats me too!". So the judge says, "who do you want to live with then?" The kid says, "The Cleveland Browns...they can't beat anybody!"
Vikings in a Dome.
Q: Why do the Vikings play in a Dome?
A: Because even God can't stand to watch!
Q: Why did Tom Brady challenge the news report that he was retiring?
A: He didn't want his announcement to be deflated.
Bubba was Alabama's star lineman. He was great at football, but not at academics. The principal was letting it slide until one day he decided that Bubba's grades HAD to be better. They decided to make him take a test. It was only one math problem. Everyone wanted to support Bubba out in the stands, so they held the test in the middle of the football stadium, so everyone could see. His math teacher went out to the center of the field with Bubba. It was test time. The teacher said, ''Ok, Bubba. What is six plus three?''
Bubba sat and thought. Then he said, ''nine,'' confidently.
But out in the stands, everyone was yelling, ''Aw, c'mon. Give him another chance!''
Speeding in California
Q: How do you know the California State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into San Francisco?
A: For the first offense, they give you two 49ers tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.