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The best jokes and joke writers!

Gay Mile High

Tom and Tim, both gay, were traveling on a plane. "Dude, what if we had sex?" asks Tom. "Are you crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it, said Tim."

"Nobody is paying attention to anything. Watch this." Tom stands up and asks loudly: "Could I please have a magazine?" Nobody looks at him. Everyone is sleeping, reading or looking out the window. "They really wouldn't notice then, would they?" said Tim.

So Tom and Tim have wild sex on the plane. Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the flight attendant sees an old man who puked all over his shirt and pants.

"Sir, you should've asked for a bag!" "I didn't dare" whispered the old man. "A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a magazine and he got screwed in the ass..."

Bar Celebrating

Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern. To Mike Callahan, the bartender, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin' three whiskeys." Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy, it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It's celebratin', you are." "Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebrating me first blow job." Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar. "Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself, here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebration with you." Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal, but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won't either."

Lawyers and Lesbians

Q: What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?

A: 100 people who don't do dick!

Big Joe

There was an old hermit couple living on a mountain until one day the mans wife died. Everything was fine for about three months but he got lonely so he went down the mountain to the town and went into the bar. He sat down and ordered a beer and asked the bartender, "Hey do 'ya have any women?" The bartender said, "No but we have big Joe." The man said, "I ain't like that" and stormed off back to the mountain. Three more months go by and the man decides to try asking again. He comes into the bar and says, "Hey do you have any women yet?" The bartender said, "No, just big Joe," so the man said, "I ain't like that" and again stormed out. After a year or so the old man decided to try once more so he goes down the mountain, into the bar and asks if they have any women. The bartender gave the usual reply, "Just big Joe." The old hermit said, "No I ain't like that," but stayed and had a few drinks. He asked the bartender, "If I were to do this thing with big Joe who all would know?" The bartender said, "Well me and you and big Joe of course and those two large men over there." The old hermit was taken back and said, "Why those two?" The bartender replied, "Well, somebody has to hold down big Joe, he ain't like that either."

Separating Men From Boys

Q: How do Catholics separate the men from the boys?

A: With a crowbar.