Two Black Eyes

A guy with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned. "What happened, my child?" "I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie. So I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye." "Okay. But how did you get the other black eye?" "Well, I thought I'd done something wrong. So I put her wedgie back."

Jehovah's Witness & Hell's Angels

Q: What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Hell's Angels motorcycle gang member?
A: Someone who comes to your door and tells *you* to fuck off!

Bats in Church

Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner.
One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything! Noise, spray, cats, nothing seems to scare them away."
Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."
The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!"