Vow of Silence!

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He's allowed to say only two words every 7 years. After the first 7 years, the elders bring him in and ask him for his 2 words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. He clears his throat and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say... "You've done nothing but complain since you've been here!"

Forty Years In The Wild

Admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbor's windows, a child asks his father, "Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah Tree?" "What? No, of course not." says his father. "Why not?" asks the child again. Bewildered, his father replies, "Because the last time we had dealings with a lighted bush we spent 40 years in the wilderness."

New York Dogs

A Buddhist monk visits a hot-dog vendor in New York City and says, "Make me one with everything."