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The best jokes and joke writers!

Why Divorce Now?

After 40 years of marriage, Jimmy decides to leave Katherine. She starts crying and then asks, "How can you do this, Jimmy? How can you just walk out? The first year we were together, you caught pneumonia and almost died! Who sat by your bed and nursed you back to health? Me! And when you lost half your family in the terrible car crash, who kept you going and kept your spirits up? Me! And when our kids grew up and ran away from home, who sat with you can comforted you? Me! And when you lost everything last year in the fire at the store, who stayed at your side the whole time? Me! How could you leave me, Jimmy? You've been through everything with me." Jimmy replies, "That's just the problem, Katherine! You're just fucking bad luck!"

You Be the Judge!

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.  The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.  The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.  After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

Redneck - Relationship Advice

A redneck calls into a radio advice show and asks, ''If I get divorced from my wife, does that mean she ain't my sister any more?''

Whose Child

James and Beverly Jenkins had been married for twelve years when they mutually agreed to end it and get divorced. After the divorce was granted, that same day, as they stood facing each other for what could be the last time, James asked Beverly if she would mind him asking one last question. "Not at all, go right ahead," she replied. "Well, their is one thing that has always bother me. We have five kids with brown hair but youngest one, little Jimmy, has blonde hair. So, please tell me, whose kid is Jimmy?" "I just can't tell you, James. The answer would hurt you too much." "I'll be fine. Now that we're divorced, finding out whoever Jimmy came from can't hurt me too much." "Well, if it's that important to you...Jimmy is your child."

Professional Lemon Picker

Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do. The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers and voted for Obama."