Asian Request

I asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69 last night.
She said 'Fuck off, I'm not cooking at this time of night'

Head Rest

My girlfriend's breasts always look better once I've had alcohol
I call it the wine rack

Odds For Meeting A Female

The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by exponential progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a date (2) his wife (3) a better looking and richer male friend.