Might be a Redneck

You might be a redneck if. . .

• You think harass is two words.
• You consider fast food hitting a deer at 65 MPH.
• Every day someone comes to your house mistakengly thinking you're having a yard sale.
• Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
• You have more dogs than the local shelter.
• You consistently receive credit card offers with a limit of $1.25.
• Your postman puts rubber gloves on when the red flag is up on your mailbox.

Redneck Mothers

Q: How do Redneck mothers know when their daughters are having their period?
A: Their son's dicks taste funny!

Redneck Morals

The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude. "That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire." About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue. "What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts. He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar. "Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"
The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry."