Redneck One - Liners Extended

You might be a Redneck if...

• You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.
• You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.
• You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.
• The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
• You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
• You think the stock market has a fence around it.
• Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
• Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
• Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
• You burn your yard rather than mow it.
• You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
• Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
• You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial. 

Second Chance

Q: What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?
A: Reintardnation

You Might Be A Redneck If...

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.