Second Chance

Q: What is it called when you die and come back as a hillbilly?
A: Reintardnation

A Rock Solid Defense

A redneck was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury box and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?"

Expensive Fishing

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. It cost a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home, they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one pathetic fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then, it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"