Dumb Excuses

Dumb excuses that will guarantee you won't be invited out again! (unless of course your married and your wife makes you go!)  I'D LOVE TO BUT......

• I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
• I feel a song coming on.
• I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
• I have to bleach my hare. 
• I have too much guilt.
• I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I'm stuck on it.
• I never go out on days that end in "Y."
• I promised to help a friend re-fold road maps.
• I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
• I'm having all my plants neutered.
• I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."
• I'm too old for that stuff.
• I'm too young for that stuff.
• I'm touring China with a wok band. I'm trying desperately to be less popular.
• I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
• I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
• My bathroom tiles need grouting.
• My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
• My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
• My yucca plant is feeling yucky.

Ten Paces

Don't see the point in gunfights.
They always end in a draw.

Stupid Friend

My friend is so stupid, he thought General Motors was in the army.