Little Red's Granny
Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed. Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!'' Grandma replied ''the better to see you with, my dear.'' Little Red Riding Hood told her "Grandma, what big ears you have!'' Grandma replied "the better to hear you with, my dear.'' Little Red Riding Hood told her "Grandma, what a big mouth you have!'' Grandma replied ''of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's dick?!"
The Bar Exam
Once upon a time there was a 98-year old woman whose billionaire husband died. The woman had inherited all of her deceased husband's fortune and decided she would see if she could remarry herself a fine young man. So, she walked into a bar and announced to all the men that she had inherited billions of dollars and would marry the guy with the biggest dick. Now of course this woman wasn't all that in the looks department, as a matter of fact she looked more like a shriveled prune then a human being, however, the guys didn't care. They knew this old lady would croak soon and they would get all that money. The woman then told the men to stiff themselves up to full erection and lay their dicks on a long table. They did what she said. All of a sudden, two gay guys walked into the bar, looked at the table and said "Mmmm! A buffet!"
Q: What do you call a geriatric gynecologist?
A: A spreader of old wives' tales!
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered; "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Paying The Price
William and Mildred decided to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. William went to the front desk to check them in while Mildred stayed with the car. As he was leaving the lobby, a young woman dressed in a very short skirt introduced herself as Candie. William brushed her off. When William and Mildred got to their room, he told her that he'd been approached by a prostitute. "I don't believe you," laughed Mildred. "I'll prove it," said William. He called down to the desk and asked for Candie to come to room 1217. "Now," he said to his wife, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us." Soon, there was a knock on the door. Candie walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. "So, I see you're interested after all," she said. William asked, "How much do you charge?" " $125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services." William was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." Candie laughed. "You must really be an old-timer if you think you can buy sex for that price." "Well," said William, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Mildred came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it." William said, "Let's go have a drink and forget it." Back downstairs at the bar, the old couple sipped their cocktails. Candie came up behind William, pointed at Mildred, and said, "See what you get for $25?"