Grandma's Birthday

Q: What do you give an 80 year old grandma for her birthday? 
A: Mikey, he'll eat anything!

Wrinkle Removal

An old man of 87 went to the hospital to get a radical new surgical procedure done where they stretch the skin and pull all the wrinkles up onto the top of the scalp making you appear years younger. On his way out of the hospital, he met an old friend who didn't recognize him at first. "Rob, is that really you?" said the friend. "You look years younger. I didn't know you had a dimple in your chin." "It's not a dimple, it's my belly button" said the old man and his friend laughed. "If you think that's funny, take a look at what I'm wearing for a tie!"

You Used To

"You used to hold my hand years ago when we were courting," she said as they were side by side in bed. He reached over, took her hand and held it. "Then you used to kiss me," she purred. He turned over, gave her a slight kiss and then rolled over again to sleep. "After that, you used to bite my neck." With that the husband got up. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth," he grumbled.