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The best jokes and joke writers!

They Used To Be...

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," said the patient with remorse

Up or Down?

There was an elderly couple that was on their way for a 2 week vacation on a Caribbean cruise. The wife, unfortunately, forgot her hearing aides at home... Upon arriving to the cabin that was to be theirs during the trip, they noticed that it had 2 bunk beds. So, as they were retiring for the first night, the husband says to his wife, "Up, or down?" The wife inexplicably removes all her clothing and makes love to her husband all night long. The next night, the husband wonders if he'll get lucky again... So, he says to his wife, "Up, or down?" She again removes all her clothing and makes love to him all night long. This continues for 2 glorious weeks. When they arrive home from their trip, the wife retrieves her hearing aides. As they retire for the first night home, the husband decides to try the magic words again... "Up, or down?" His wife says, "What?" To which he replies, "During the whole trip, my dear, I said those words every night and you took off all your clothes and made love to me all night long." The wife says, "Ooooh, I thought you said 'Fuck, or drown !".

I Think Rover Is Getting A Bit Old...

"I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf." "Bullshit, watch this...Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll get the shovel and clean it up!"

Answering Machine Test Line

Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for Test 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear? ... BEEP

Hard of Hearing Retirees

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?" "No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."