Work & Office Jokes

Christmas Party Joke

3 guys find out that they have 3 weeks to live. They realize that they have nothing to show for in their lives, so they each decide to try getting into the Guinness Book of World Records. The first guys says, "I have pretty long arms, maybe I have the longest arms in the world!" The second guy says, "I have a big chest, maybe I have the biggest chest in the world!" The third guys says, "I have a small dick, maybe I have the smallest dick in the world!" So they each submit their applications to the Guinness Book of World Records headquarters. A week later, the book is published, and they all gather around to see the results. The first guy opens the book and says, "Hey look! I have the longest arms in the world!" The second guy looks and says "Wow! I can't believe I have the biggest chest in the world!" And the third guys looks and says, "...Who the fuck is [insert name of one of the listeners]?!"

Categories: Holiday Jokes (Christmas Jokes) , Work & Office Jokes
Submitted BY: ariede

A Dent in the Pile!

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."  To the Irishman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."  To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."  
He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it!?  "The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad, but I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I counna fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy.  Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"

Categories: Racist Jokes (Asians Jokes) , Work & Office Jokes
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Wife vs Job

Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job will still suck.

Categories: Sex Jokes (Oral Sex Jokes) , Sexist Jokes (About Women) , Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Work & Office Jokes , Riddles
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous