Welfare Doll

Q: Did you hear about the welfare doll?
A: You wind it up and it doesn't work.

My Daughter or a Million Dollars

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decided to throw a huge party.  During the party he announced, "My dear guests,  I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done!  I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy said,  "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter. I want the person who pushed me in that water!"

Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations

Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 23, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth," said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone."