Magnet

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now, it was question time... "Class," he said, "My name begins with the letter `M' and I pick up things.... What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"

Quantum in Bar

A quantum particle walks into two bars. In one, he has a few drinks, becomes the life of the party, gets lucky and has a splendid time. In the other he drinks too much, picks a fight with the wrong company and ends up beaten to half of his life.
The next day, he happens to meet an old buddy. After some very small talk, his friend asks, "Hey, so what did you do last night?"
The particle, bruised and beaten shouts, "DAMN IT MAN did you have to ask!!"

Chemistry Collection

• Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
• Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
• Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
• There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine and died of an overdose.

Q: How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker? A: None. That's what organic chemists are for!

• It is disconcerting to reflect on the number of students we have flunked in chemistry for not knowing what we later found to be untrue. --quoted in Robert L. Weber, Science With a Smile (1992)
• Physical Chemistry is research on everything for which the negative logaritm is linear with 1/T -- D.L. Bunker

Q: What weapon can you make from the Chemicals Potassium, Nickel and Iron? A: KNiFe.