Johnny Getting Dismissed From School

It is near the end of the school year.  The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says,  "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right  Nancy, you may also leave." Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!" Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"

Little Johnny and the Teacher

One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class, "What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?" Two children raised their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him, she chose little Mary. "I think your heart goes first because, that's were your emotions of love are." "Very interesting," replied the teacher. Seeing no one else had their hand raised but Johnny, she finally called on him. "I think your feet go up first." Confused, but relieved, the teacher said, "Why is that?" Johnny replied, "Once when I walked in my parents room I saw my dad on my mom, and she had her feet in the air saying, "Oh God!"

First Grade Concert

The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is relieved when he tells her he has worked out his act. Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her prettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause. Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience. Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my unlce's farm. Here is the first, 'JOHNNY! GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR!'"