A Collection of Quips

• Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
• I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
• Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
• People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
• Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
• The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
• I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
• When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
• I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
• I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
• I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
• I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.

Stupid Insults ... More

• Operating in stand-by mode.
• Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
• Out there where the buses don't run.
• Outlet isn't grounded.
• Over the rainbow.
• Overdue for reincarnation.
• Overruns above 110 baud.
• Paged/swapped out.
• Paralyzed from the neck up.
• Parents beat him with an ugly stick.
• Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
• Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
• People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
• Perfect chassis, bad driver.
• Perfect face for Halloween.
• Perfect percussionist for an acapella group (duh, duh, duh...)
• Perfect training subject for apprentice hypnotists.
• Permanently out to lunch.
• Permanently rotated 90 degrees from the rest of us.
• Phototrophic on a better day.
• Pins 2 and 3 (RS-232) permanently connected to ground.
• Playing an endgame with a king and no other pieces.
• Playing baseball with a rubber bat.
• Playing hockey with a warped puck.
• Playing Scrabble, but we can't figure out what words he's building.
• Plays pinochle with a poker deck.
• Plays solitaire... for cash.
• Plays tennis with no net and finds it challenging.
• Plenty of myelin but not enough neurons.
• Plenty of salt in the shaker, but no holes in the cap.

Put-Downs

• Roses are red, violets are blue, I once thought I was ugly, until I saw you!
• Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one!
• Baptists: only trouble is, they don't hold them under long enough.
• A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
• Men's brains are like the prison system - not enough cells.
• Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
• You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.