The Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me:
12 males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming
11 pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)
10 melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping
9 persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression
8 economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved bovine-Americans
7 endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands
6 enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products
5 golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration (Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
4 hours of recorded whale songs,
3 deconstructionist poets
2 Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

Christmas Tree and Priest

Q: How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike?
A: They both have ornamental balls.

Christmas Party

A few years ago, we invited some friends over for a Christmas party. Many of my colleagues were there, and many of them are German. Helmut, Franz, and Rudolf were there. I was talking to Rudolf about his belief in the superiority of the communist party. I grew tired of the discussion so I motioned towards the window and commented on the weather, "I believe it's snowing". "No, it looks too wet to be snow," he said. The argument went back and forth for a few minutes: rain, snow, rain, snow...Then my wife came over and settled the argument for us. She said: "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!"