Top Do Nots at the Office Christmas Party

The Top Don'ts At The Office Christmas Party:

• Don't go up to your boss and make the comparison of him with Santa because he's fat, jolly and only works one day out of the year.
• Don't put your boss in a sleeper hold just to bargain for a better salary.
• Don't offer anyone a hit from your Egg-Nog funnel.
• Don't call your best client and tell him how much you fudged his books by just so you could throw this party in the first place.
• Don't chase the secretary around with mistletoe and an eggbeater.
• Don't tell your boss that you're the one that runs the company. 

Iron the Red Atom Molecule

Iron the Red Atom Molecule (to the tune of "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer")
There was Cobalt and Argon and Carbon and Fluorine Silver and Boron and Neon and Bromine But do you recall the most famous element of all? Iron the red atom molecule had a very shiny orbital And if you ever saw him You'd enjoy his magnetic glow All of the other molecules used to laugh and call him Ferrum They never let poor Iron join in any reaction games. Then one inert Chemistry eve Santa came to say Iron with your orbital so bright won't you catalyze the reaction tonight? Then how the atoms reacted and combined in twos and threes Iron the red atom molecule you'll go down in Chemistry! 

Mexican Magic

A Mexican magician performing at a Christmas party tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "Uno...Dos..." and 'poof' he was gone. He disappeared without a tres.