A Dogs Winter Wonderland

To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland":

Dog tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening.
It's yellow, not white -- I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's my property.
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast,
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."

Heavy Sack

Q: Why is Santa's sack so big?
A: He only comes once a year.

Recalled Christmas Toys

• Broken Bag-O-Glass
• Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit
• Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake Oven and Cookbook
• Timothy McVays home Chemistry set
• Switchblade Barney
• Pork-n-Beany Babies
• Make Your Own Moonshine Kit
• Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)