Fat Joke

Q: Why is it lucky to be seated next to a fat person when a plane starts to crash?
A: Because you can use their underwear as a parachute!

One Line Bumper Stickers

• Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
• Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
• Earn cash in your spare time... blackmail friends.
• Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
• Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.
• History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
• It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
• It works better if you plug it in. 

Bedside Confessions

Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.
Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina."
Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."